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Monday, 1 December 2014

Changing Fates Design

Changing Fates Design

I am going to tell you a tale, this story like many others will begin and it will end. We all know the ending; it has been passed down to us from father to son since the beginning of time. A time when Icarus flew to the sun, and Artemis ran through the forest her silver stag by her side.

Once upon a time there was a man, a prince to be exact, who’s name will one day be passed down through the generations. However when we are first introduced to this person he is still a boy, a kind soft-spoken lonely boy who lived far away in a kingdom that no one has ever heard of.  This boy may be a prince, but is a constant disappointment to the king. The king spends his days complaining to his deaf and old advisers, who like to nod and agree, while dreaming of days when they were young. Yet this tale is not about them, but his son, who at the age of seven did not join the other boys to fight, but liked to play on his own in the mountains beyond the castle. This castle sat nestled on the sea front dominating the beach and all that occupied it. The boy was quite content with his own company and enjoyed the sound of silence only interrupted occasionally by the waves hitting the sand far below, and the smell of salt on the wind.

Now the boy is older, but still quiet and shy, his father has commanded that he is sent away to make him into a man. The boy clings to his mother tears sliding down his face begging her to fight for him, not send him thousands of miles away where he knows he will never see his mountain again. The mother is only silent looking down her nose disapprovingly. The Queen never wanted children, and was unlucky that the potion given to her by the crone who lived on the beachfront, forgot to mix the remedy properly. But lets not forget that this tale is about her son, and the tragedies that brought his mother to this moment do not matter, you will not need them.

On the other side of the world, the destination that our hero will spend the next decade of his life, is a place that everyone recognizes, so I wont insult your intelligence by giving it a name. Here the prince is loved; he is thirteen but is showered with praise and can do no wrong. Achilles is ten when he first meets Patroclus, his father has taken him to the unknown Kingdom that holds the games that year, he sees the shy boy sitting next to the king clutching the wreath, now shiny, as the boy rubs his thumb nervously over the dark emerald leaves. This is the wreath he will win, as his pink heels lick the sandy track as he races the older boys to the finishing line. Achilles hopes that this small boy will place the wreath on his head, but the king snatches the leaves from the boys lap, and with an envy that Achilles has never seen in his own father’s eyes, the king places it on his head.

Achilles is told countless of times that his father, Peleus, trapped a mermaid, who was known in this kingdom as the goddess of the sea, and married her. This mermaid known, as Thetis, was furious and tried in anyway to get out of the knot of marriage. She searched high and low for weeks, only to find that the solution was to have a son, an heir for the father to love and care for. Thetis agreed and on their marriage night a demi god was created. Thirteen years later Thetis could still be found on the shores of the beach luring unsuspecting sailors into an untimely watery grave. But this tale is not about her, although she craves the attention of others constantly, she is vain, just like her son. Her beauty was given to her little Achilles, who shone golden in the sunlight with blond hair and sparkling blue eyes; his heels pink and skin sun kissed and olive brown. This boy was truly blessed, which puts him in complete contrast to the shy boy who will be arriving any day. When Patroclus wobbles his way off the war ship a week later still trying to adjust to his land legs, Achilles’ father gruffly greets him and promptly pulls the boy back up the beach to the castle’s entrance.

The father worries. The boy Patroclus, he thinks his name is, wont speak. He has tried everything from whipping to fighting, but the boy remains silent. The king has been paid a lot to teach this whelp the way of men, and he is uncomfortable with the boy’s shyness. The father sees this boy as the shadow of his son, dark where Achilles is golden.  It is on one of these scorching hot days when Achilles finds himself once again alone with his fighting master. He knows what is coming, he has heard the sickening sound of the whip through the air to meet flesh at least twice this week, and feels pity; a feeling that at the age of thirteen Achilles has never felt. In a moment of friendship that will change the course of the oracles sight, Achilles goes to find Patroclus. Surprisingly, but not at all unexpected, as the Gods have their eyes on these two young boys, Achilles finds Patroclus curled in a fetal position in the corner of his room.

Patroclus remembers Achilles, the golden winner that his father had looked at with an envy and pride that Patroclus had never experienced. However, he felt no resentment towards this older boy he now lived with, on the contrary he was as drawn to this golden creature as everybody else. Achilles knelt down next to Patroclus and stared at him with unflinching curiosity. Patroclus tried to return the intense gaze, but was, as expected the one to look away first. In an instant Achilles had grabbed Patroclus’ wrist and started dragging him to the throne room, he made no attempt to resist the will of this unwavering demi-god. Achilles made no effort to knock, but barged his way through the double throne room doors. His father sat on a raised platform at the head of the hall, and looked up from a sheet of parchment he had been intently reading, at the sound of the doors hammering open.
“Achilles, my boy?”
“He is the one I have chosen,” his father looked to Patroclus, as if studding something unpleasant at the bottom of his shoe, or an artifact that seemed useless and simple.
“But you could have anyone, why him?”
“I find him… interesting. He is to be my Therapon.” Companion.
“Very well Achilles. Have the slaves place another bed in your room.”
 And that was that, the beginning of a friendship that would last eighteen years. They would never be parted. At first Patroclus was shy around Achilles, but as the weeks turned to months the two found each other’s company rewarding. Patroclus never minded losing the games that he would play against Achilles. Who could be upset when watching Achilles laughing delightedly, as they sprinted across the beach racing one another? As the years flew by Patroclus became happy, the nightmares left him, and Achilles voice lulled him to sleep, as they spoke about simple nothings in the quite darkness of their room.

It wasn’t until the two had been studding with Chiron, for a few years that with the sticky juice of figs on their fingertips, and the taste strong on their tongues did their lips meet. Clumsy and frantic like plump bees crashing together, as though the time apart rushed in all at once. They fell back into the grass Achilles pinning Patroclus to the ground trying to taste as much as him as possible. Running hot kisses down the side of his neck like water never to dry. In this moment, their fate was sealed. If they had listened quietly they could have heard the sound of the three sisters of fate, pulling the golden string taught, and getting ready to cut through it.

We all know how this story ends with the rage and grief that will destroy Prince Hector outside the walls of Troy. But this is not about endings, but the beginning. A beginning that changed the fates design, a friendship that re-stitched destiny. In the end, I am told, Achilles begged for the arrow, welcomed it even. Apollo, lying lazily on his back, helped the vain prince Paris shoot the killing blow, with an accuracy that only a God could hold. In the afterlife Achilles hid Patroclus in the fields of Elysium, so that no God could ever touch him again. Achilles will always remember the moment of their first kiss on that mountainside, hidden from the gazes of Thetis and Chiron. He will remember the shy boy who grew into a man, who followed him to Troy and stayed with him through all the agonies. And in the darkness of Hades, two shadowy hands stretch through the hopeless, heavy night, desperately reaching for one another. Their hands meet and light spills in, flood like, a hundred golden urns pouring out the sun.

Monday, 1 September 2014

Iliad - From Patroclus' Point Of View

My Love
I wanted to keep you
I wanted to hold you
Until mortality took me.

Did you feel betrayed by mighty Zeus,
Who held mortality in his fingers?
Who watched me fall at the hands of Hector
And did nothing.

You told me once
That I was the exception.
You were the Hero
With the happy ever after.

But there are no happy endings for the great,
And you were the greatest man I knew.

Man not god
As your mother desired,
For eighteen strong years I was enough,
Until your pride destroyed me.

That golden armour
That always kept you safe,
The one I could see
Like the sun
Behind closed eyelids,
Was the death of me,
My Love.

Now come,
Come and join me in eternal sleep,
Feel my hands on your chest,
Feel my tongue exploring yours.

Let my love you like I once did,
When Troy was our home
We were together
And our stories were known.

When our names were one
And I was yours
Under the protection of the rising sun.

Saturday, 23 August 2014

Highfell Grimoires

Highfell Grimoires - Langley Hyde

'Highfell Grimoires' has has me on tenterhooks from the first page. I have to say I don't usually read steampunk but it has intrigued me and this book did not disappoint it was incredible from start to finish. I am reluctant to put it on my 'best of the best' shelf, only because although it completely deserves 5 stars I wouldn't read it agin. However this book kept me hooked from the first page till the last. 

This novel starts with our protagonist Neil Franklin who is a Lord but loses his fortune after the death of his parents and must work at a charity school up in the clouds called Highfell to repay his debts of his family. We see instantly that the school is cruel and more like a victorian workhouse rather than a place of learning. I love to use my imagination when reading and this book was full of wonders that aloud my mind to explore. I love how Hyde includes a map at the beginning of her novel so that the reader gets a feel of the layout of the school. This picture gave me a constant almost claustrophobic ache at the cramped rooms that Neil, Leofa and the boys must live in.

The characters were all well thought out, even the few boys that came into the narrative and I wanted to know how they saw the narrative, especially Stanley, he was my favourite boy under Leofa's and Neil's care. Neil and Leofa were perfect but the story is definitely more an adventure thriller that a Romance and I really enjoyed that about the book. And yet the love between Neil and Leofa held the narrative together and I was constantly aware of the danger they were both in. 

Overall this novel was incredible and I cannot wait to read more of Hyde's work. I must praise Blind Eye Books, the publisher who I know that I will always enjoy the novels that they publish and cannot wait to read more of their new releases.

Rating 4.5 Stars 

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

The Line of Beauty

The Line Of Beauty - Allen Hollinghurst Review

Highly recomeneded to me by a lot of friends and we were going to look at this book in my Book Club. I was interested in this novel because I noticed 'The Strangers' Child' By Hollinghurst and wanted to know what other work he had written. This novel, now turned BBC mini series in 2006, explores the decade of the 80's through the eyes of Nick Guest, a homosexual man living in upperclass London. 

Nick struggles to find his place in this world, which is far away from the middle class background he grew up in. He tries to find his place living with a friend's family who's father is a Tory MP. Nick struggled throughout this book to adjust himself to his environment and goes from being an innocent boy straight from uni to truly understanding how it feel to be homosexual in London in the 80's. Hollinghurst does not romanticise Nicks life, like so many others, but portrays this world as being brutal and almost cruel. 

Nick is a character that I feel the reader can connect to as he is innocent and even naive at the beginning and we want him to succeed in finding unconditional love, which he craves. However is not achieved and therefore Nick struggled even harder to find beauty (or love), where there is none received. 
Hollinghurst creates a very realistic world that is difficult to pull away from. This world is all encompassing and extremely realistic in the poetic and lyrical language that Hollinghurt uses to portray the environment that Nick is experiencing. 

The aspect of this novel which I didn't take to was the ending, as it left me feel dissatisfied because I wanted Nick to find the happiness (beauty) that he had been trying to find the entire way through the novel. He is left alone with no place to belong and with the threat of AIDS over his head. For me I wanted Nick to find someone to love and be loved in return as this is all he craves throughout the novel. 

I would recommend this book to a reader who enjoys a challenge and likes to work at a novel to find the meaning the author was looking for. This book is not a light read and deserves attention to be read properly. 

I would rate this book 3.5 /  5 stars  

Saturday, 9 August 2014

To Lose A Loved One

To lose her
would break me.
She knows me
loves me and holds me.
One mistake
One touch of fate
Could crack our fragile world.

I'm alone
no longer whole
As she is my heart
and my soul.

The one who wronged us is loved

I am torn in two
left broken of the side
but never forgiven.

Monday, 21 July 2014

The Rifter - Ginn Hale

The Rifter 

Through the decades 
I have loved you. 
You may have lost me once, 
But I have found you.

You Are My Earth 
You Are My Sky 
Your Blood is my River
And your Body is where I Lie. 

Two lives together
We have shared
Both filled with Beauty and Blood 
And a life of despair.

But I am yours 
And you are mine. 
Entwined together, 
Let us forever shine. 

I Am reading at the moment an incredible series called The RIFTER by GINN HALE. If you haven't read it go and do so, now. This series is full of wonder, beauty and heart ache and I know my reader like myself enjoy this hugely. 

Oxford Inspiration

Hey Guys

I am Studying at Oxford University for the summer and can't help but post some beautiful pictures of the buildings around this old city. Hoping it will inspire me for some more poetry and fiction.

Hope your enjoying the extracts I have been posting. 

Library Blenheim Palace - OXFORD 

Hogwarts Maze 
Blenheim Palace Art Work 

The Natural History Museum- LONDON 

Christ Church, Oxford Collage

Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Apollo and Orion

Apollo and His Hunter 

Everyone has gone  
And I am all alone, 
Summer shall never be 
As I have turned to stone 

He Was Mine 
For one short day 
My Hunter,
Golden from firelight 
But I led him astray

Now his gaze is from the night sky 
Watching from above 
Twenty-Four pin points of light 
Make up my love

Forgiveness can never be 
As Hades cannot be mine 
But life is here to live 
And I will always shine.  

Thursday, 22 May 2014

Of Last Resort Continued...

Telme was on his knees, they were losing, Princes of the blood where falling. The beast raised his
spear once more above his head and Prince Telme knew that this was it. He closed his eyes unwilling to see his end, and thought of Korin, his husband. He waited for the pain but only heard the sound of tearing flesh, a cry of agony and blood painted his face, however Telme felt no pain. After a few seconds that felt like an age, Telme gingerly opened his eyes, and gasped in horror. There in front of him stood Raffe protecting his leader. For a few merciful numbing seconds all was still and silent  until Raffe knees gave out and he collapsed to the red decaying ground in front of Telme, the beasts spear protruding from his back.
"Raffe! No!" Telme yelled going to pull the spear from the boy, and yet as Raffe mouthed his husbands name and his eyes grew dim Telme knew it was far to late. "Hold on young Princeling think of your husband."
"Alrin..." Blood pooled from the side of Raffe's lips.
"We can't lose you. You will become our leader, you are my heir, please don't leave us Raffe. Alrin will never forgive me, I will never forgive myself." However as Telme stroked Raffe's cheek softly he knew that the Goddess has already taken his princeling. In the last five years he had far out grown the nickname but somehow it had stuck to Raffe as he had grown into a fine young warrior with his dragon by his side. As Telme slipped Raffe's eyes closed the beast cruel laughter penetrated the fog of grief, he had lost brothers to this endless was against hell but not one that he had considered a son. Tears were pooling down the leaders face as he lay Raffe softly to the ground. A fury swept through him as he looked at the beast laughing madly with triumph, a fury so fierce that everything seemed to turn a scarlet red and he roared with a terrifying madness of rage.

Telme returned to the camp some hours later the battle finally won. In his arms was the slight body of Raffe free from the spear that had taken his life and wrapped in Telme's cloak.
"Brother you have returned, we were beginning to worry..." The colour drained from Hakon's face as he saw the bundle in his leaders arms. "thats not...? That can't be..?"
"He saved my life."
"Alrin will never forgive us. Let me take him I want to hold my brother." Telme was reluctant to let go of the huddle in his arms, but the look of devastation on his oldest friends face allowed his arms to loosen. They made their way to the camp and his brothers shouts of victory were silenced as they saw the bundled in Hakon's arms.
"I thought... He cannot be gone... No" Yrian murmured. He felt himself trembling again the numbing poet of rage had stemmed off grief, which now came in full force. Strong arms caught him as he embraced the darkness.

Alrin was waiting as the party arrived back to the castle bloody and exhausted but triumphant in victory. His eyes scanned for his husband, but came up empty. As the party came into the court yard Alrin still couldn't see Raffe, and as he began to count the survivors, he realised there were only fourteen to come home, they had lost one. A sick feeling started to manifest in his stomach as dread took over. He hurried to Telme knowing he would never have let anything happen to Raffe, he had trusted Raffe to his brothers in arms. Raffe was Telme's heir, he had to survive.
"Telme, where is he? where's Raffe? is he tending the wounded? Wheres my husband?" the dread, which was growing was making it hard to think clearly. It was Hakon who clasped Alrin's shoulder "Your husband fought bravely and saved our leader from certain death his death was..." but Alrin wasn't listing he swayed dangerously
 His death was... his Death... he's gone?... Raffe is not coming back?
"Wait... I don't understand..?"
But then the reality sunk in Raffe wasn't coming home. His death was...His knees gave out and it was only Hakon's grip that stopped him from shattering his shins on the stone floor. "You were supposed to protect him" he whispered brokenly, "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HIM!" he screamed. Grief seared his throat as he sobbed brokenly, and then Telme was suddenly next to him whimpering words of apology. He turned away from the leader unable to stand the look of the prince, he had let Raffe fall.

Later that evening Alrin found himself in his suit sitting on their bed with Telme opposite him leaning on the wooden table, which he and Raffe had always had breakfast on.
"I know how it feels to lose a husband, you remember all those years ago when Korin wouldn't awaken, I was broken and only your husband helped me get through that time. You understand how precious he was to me? and I know it makes no difference but all my brothers are grieving and feel the lose you are suffering. Princes of the blood will be weaker without him, we know how truly special he was, and will forever be missed." The words were broken with grief and pain, Alrin knew the Prince suffered, however his heart could not forgive and his next words were bitter "But you didn't lose him."
"You never lost Korin he awakened, I was the one who brought him back to you safety, he came back to you," Alrin's voice was hard like steel and Telme could clearly see the Dragon Captain he used to be. "I understand that to be a Prince of the blood is dangerous but Raffe is gone and I know you mourn but you have someone waiting for you in your bed upstairs. I could not even say goodbye, you had to bury him out in the darkness out where hell touches earth. He was my husband and you left him there." The words were softly spoken but they pierced through Telme, he knew that Alrin would never truly forgive hi,m although they had been friends for a long time now, he wasn't sure he would ever really forgive himself. As he watched the former dragon crumple in on himself, tears sparkling in the firelight as they fell, he again wished that Raffe had not scarified his life, he had so much waiting for him so much to achieve. However he would not let this sacrifice go unanswered and he would protect and care for Alrin as he knew Raffel would have wanted. The last moments of Raffe's life flashed once more to Telme as he watched Raffe whisper his lovers name.
"His last word was your name Alrin, grieve but live for him please. He adored you, you were everything that made Raffe special. You gave him the confidence he needed to be a great worrier and I am so sorry for what has come to pass. The king says the funeral will be tomorrow." Telme put his arms around the mourning widow, but Alrin stayed stiff and unyielding in his friends arms. Finally Alrin nodded as he let go of the anger and sobbed into his friends shoulder.  

Really amazing book that I just finished "Of Last Resort" Megan Derr go and read!!! Sorry about the angst but haven't written any in a while and so wanted to have another go

Monday, 12 May 2014


Hi Everyone

So Ive decided to try and write a story a chapter a week on LiveJournal heres the link

please check it out as this is a story I've been thinking about for a while now and it would be great to get some feedback to see what people think of me.

Thank you so much for checking out my pieces I really appreciate it

May XX

Friday, 2 May 2014

Robyn and Guy Of Gisborne

You: My Summer Lord
And I, your Winter King
Both rival and Lover
That have been foretold to suffer

It was written in the stars
I was told by the moon
Keep away my wayward son
But we ran to soon

Into the forest we went
As lovers,
Wolf and Stag
Followed close by my oak Brothers

The moon is high
The chase is on
Night descends
And it has begun.

Thursday, 1 May 2014

Rob and Gamelyn // Robyn and Guy


Friend For Life, You Said
I Need You, I Said
I Love You, You Replied
But Promises Were Hard To Keep
When You Were Still Alive .

I'll Wait For You, I Said
Come Back To Me, You Said
I'll Come To You, I lied
But promises kept me prisoner
Until My Father Died.

I struggled, I pleaded
But you lay still
Believing I betrayed you
And left you on that hill.

I loved you, I cried
Silence, you replied
I need you, I moan
And I was left Alone.


Monday, 21 April 2014

Robyn Hood and Guy Of Gisborn


So after finishing this incredible series, the Wode Series, I am once again blown away and haven't felt like this since reading The Song Of Achilles. These Novels by J. T Hennig have won Rainbow Award for Best LGBT Novel 1st Place (2013) and I can completely understand why. This novel which delves into the legend of Robyn Hood and his Wode looks at how before Guy of Gisborn became Robyn's enemy he was Gamelyn the Summerlord destined to be Robyn's lover.
This heart wrenching love affair is filled with tragedy as the two opposing sides fight to be together. You cannot help but want Gamelyn (Guy) to be with his Winter Knight (Robyn Hood) but there are many obstacles they must face in a world that sees Gamelyn as a sodomite. If you want to see the legend of Robyn Hood through different eyes this is the perfect book it turns everything that you thought you knew about this legend on its head in a perfect convincing way. 10/10 and I will not be forgetting this novel anytime soon.  

Sunday, 20 April 2014

I read this fantastic series called Wode by J Tello Hennig and i decided to make a trailer for it

Tuesday, 4 March 2014


So As I promised i would write something on "The Song Of Achilles..." And I am so proud of this. Im become more and more fond of poetry as I explore the subject more in my degree.

Apollo, my love 
I wanted to keep you, 
I needed to hold you, 
Until mortality took me. 
I know you tried...
I watched you beg your father 
To just let me live,
tears pooling down your youthful face. 
How you wanted to be Zeus, 
with the power of life in your fingers, 
But beauty was always yours. 
You were mine for one precious summer,
yet we know Heroes never live to see the happy endings. 
There is no happy endings for the greats, 
And you were the greatest man I knew. 

Man Not God, 
As your mother desired. 
For eighteen strong years I was enough 
Until your pride destroyed me. 
The Golden armour 
that always kept you safe, 
was the death of me, my love.

Now come, 
Come and join me in eternal sleep, 
Feel my hands on your chest, 
Feel my tongue exploring yours, 
Let me love you like I once did,
When Great Troy was known 
and not a myth in the night, 
When our names where one 
And I was yours 
Under the protection of the Sun.      

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

The Song Of Achilles

Achilles and Patroclus 

This Book is AMAZING. I read it over the Christmas break in two days which is insane for me and I'm still completely obsessed, I am literally shoving the book at everyone I know begging them to read it. This book looks at the relationship shared by Achilles and Patroclus and how they grow up together before the trojan war and during it. The relationship between Achilles and Patroclus is outstanding, but be weary as you will need a big box of tissues for the end chapters.

Anyway I really wanted to write something about the men in Greek mythology and I was trying to figure out which myth to chose when i stumbled on a movie called 'Alexander' with Jared Leto and fell completely in love with Alexander the great and Hephaistion. they compare themselves again and again to Achilles and Patroclus and therefore I've started writing a few chapters of a new novel I want to start thinking about called Patroclus' Return. I will post the first chapter ASAP And see what you all think

As Always Thanks So Much For Reading