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Friday, 30 November 2012

For Simon and Dec

For Simon and Dec
For the great book Tigerland by Sean Kennedy.
A poem called
The Hug By Tom Gunn  


I dozed, I slept. My sleep broke on a hug,
Suddenly, from behind,
In which the full lengths of our bodies pressed:
Your instep to my heel,
My shoulder-blades against your chest.
It was not sex, but I could feel
The whole strength of your body set,
Or braced, to mine,
And locking me to you
As if we were still twenty-two
When our grand passion had not yet
Become familial.
My quick sleep had deleted all
Of intervening time and place.
I only knew
The stay of your secure firm dry embrace

Sunday, 18 November 2012

TIGERLAND

I READ TIGERLAND BY SEAN KENNEDY AND ALL I HAVE ARE THESE IDEAS FOR FANFICTION. FOR SOME REASON ALL OF THEM ARE SAD, EVEN THOUGH I LOVE HOW THEY HAVE THE HAPPY ENDING THEY DESERVE. SOON I THINK DEC AND SIMON WILL HAVE THEIR FANFICTION.

THANK YOU MR. KENNEDY FOR YOUR AMAZING SERIES!!!

THANKS FOR READING

MAY

Sunday, 11 November 2012

THE SHADOW AND I

I wrote this after having a brain wave, and its a piece i'm actually really proud of. I spent a long time on it, and hope you find it as enjoyable as I found writing it. I fell in love with the main character Scott and hope to continue the journey between Scott and Tony as they run from the enemy together.

I found this picture on 'deviantART' and thought it fit perfectly.

Thanks

May.



THE SHADOW AND I

After careful thought and consideration, I have finally come to the conclusion that in life some people are lucky and some aren’t. I established that I was the latter when I found myself sprinting down Oxford high street weaving in and out of crowds with the yells of the men following behind me. I felt like I was in some half-arsed performance of James Bond.

I sat staring at the whitewashed wall, as I waited for someone to come and tell me what had just happened. My hands were shaking and I balled them into fists to stop it from showing. A tall man strode into the room and I stared transfixed; his body was just one wall of muscle. Detective Rodgers’, the person who had glowered at me all the way back to the police station, and his partner, Detective Coulson, strode into the room. I saw Detective Rodgers face deepen into a scowl that was obviously aimed at me. 
“What the hell were you doing there?” he growled.
I just stared at him blankly, “Huh?”
“Oh for the love of….” He fumed as his partner took over.
“Just tell us what happened Scott?” 
I began to explain how I had just finished work, later than usual, when I had seen a woman backed into a corner with three men blocking her way. I went to yell at them, to tell them to back off. I stopped suddenly, remembering the blood, and took a deep calming breath to continue. When I looked up, Detective Rodgers, who lent back on the wall, watched me with piercing blue eyes. I continued still staring at the Detective. One of the men had shot her without a second thought, and I had been there, the man with the gun had turned and looked straight at me. He had cold washed-out brown eyes, and when I turned to run he smirked, a twitch of his too thin lips trying to form a smile, but it was as though he had forgotten how. I fled the scene, running for my life through the still busy, but dark streets of London until Detective Rodgers had grabbed me, protecting me from the men who were following.
I looked up still shaking from the encounter, seeing that Rodgers’ scowl had deepened looked down again, as images flitted across my mind’s eye.
‘Scott,’ my head swivelled as I looked at Coulson,’ you understand that you are now going to have to go into witness protection as you will be targeted by Kennedy?’
I shook my head. I wasn’t stupid, I knew I wouldn’t go, I had spent too long making the life I had to throw it away.
‘Kennedy, the man who Detective Rodgers and I are trying to put behind bars, now wants you, because you led his men straight to us. We now have solid evidence against him and for that we are grateful. However, it means he will want to get rid of you before you can be placed on the witness stand in court.’ I looked at him and my eyes must have been huge because he patted my shoulder reassuringly.
‘Don’t worry,’ he smiled, ‘you will be safe, I promise.’
I shook my head; I didn’t want to go into witness protection. I had watched enough films to realise what it meant, I would have a whole new identity and never see my family or friends again. I didn’t want that, I had a great job with a boss who I respected, and friends who I couldn’t turn my back on.
‘I don’t want to.’ I croaked. I stood and was surprised to find Detective Rodgers’ hand on my shoulder as he glared at me. His eyes weren’t the piercing blue I had originally thought, but a stormy navy colour, framed by long dark eyelashes that I knew any woman would die for. He had dark brown hair that was cut short, and his shoulders were broad and screamed masculinity and strength. I was built more like a swimmer, lean and muscular, not the solid wall of muscle that stood before me.
‘You are not going anywhere,’ he almost growled. I just stared at him, he really was beautiful, and I knew I should have noticed sooner, but when running for your life some things are easily missed. Though I wanted to, I knew I couldn’t stay, so I jerked out of his hold and turned towards the door. I was halfway down the corridor, passing other officers who were finishing their nightshift when I almost collided with Rodgers.
‘I don’t think you understand, if you leave here, Kennedy’s men will kill you.’
‘I won’t live in fear, Detective. I have a job I need to go to in…’ I checked my watch, it was half five in the morning, ‘three hours, so if you will excuse me.’
His hand came down again on my shoulder; I looked up at him, and only saw concern on his face.
He said ‘I understand you don’t want to lose the life you have built, but we cannot lose a valuable witness,’
My heart deflated, I was just a witness, nothing more, I knew that.
He wasn’t waiting for an answer, so continued, ‘Scott, wasn’t it?’ I nodded, as he pressed a piece of paper into my hand, ‘that’s my number, you can go, but call me if…’ he looked uncomfortable and I almost smiled.
‘Is that concern I hear there, Detective?’
My eyebrow rose, he smirked and gently pushed me towards the exit.
As I left I un-crumbled the piece of paper, and saw his scruffy handwriting that read,
‘Tony Rodgers 07783992232,’ I smiled as I made my way towards the tube station.


Eight hours and four coffees later I sat at my computer screen trying to write up the latest news story. I loved being a journalist, and although I was working long hours for virtually nothing, I knew how to write, and was slowly making an impression in the little tabloid I worked for. Being only twenty-one I had worked hard to get the job over three years ago, and finally felt as though I was settling in.
I saw Jenny walk over, ‘Hey, what happened to you last night? We were going to go out to Liquid.’
I really loved Jenny; she had been there for me since day one. She was deputy manager of the office; we had been friends since I had walked in for my interview over three years ago. I admired her; she was tall, beautiful and had golden hair that hung down in waves around her face. When I had first come to London, I didn’t know anyone or anything only that I wanted to become a journalist, and to do that London was where to go. I had quickly made a great group of friends; I was likable or so Logan had told me. Logan was my best friend, more like a brother, who had moved to the city a year after I had. We shared our small studio flat south of the river, and had now lived there for over two years. It wasn’t much but it was ours.
‘Scott?’
‘Sorry,’ I said as I realised that I had missed the rest of her sentence.
‘Tell me where you were last night?’
I told her what had happened. It was almost funny to watch her face go from concerned to horrified, but I didn’t find it amusing, I was still trembling. ‘You could have died!’ She screeched, and the office instantly hushed. A blush covered my cheeks.
‘Calm down, it wasn’t that bad.’ I tried to sooth her.
‘That bad? That bad...’
I interrupted quickly, ‘Let me make it up to you and tonight we can go and celebrate my survival,’ I chuckled, but Jenny’s lips were pursed into a thin line. I smiled at her to try and show her that I was okay, and she thawed, warmth flooding into her eyes she squeezed my hand gently.
‘Not tonight, Scott, you look like your going to pass out from lack of sleep. How about you go home early, and we can reschedule for tomorrow night instead. You can even bring Logan and I’ll ring Katie.’ I nodded, going home early sounded perfect, I could easily finish the column there.


I heard the keys rattle in the door as I finished writing the last paragraph on my page. ‘Logan?’ I called out and recognised his quick grunt in reply. I was so happy to hear his voice, as I had anxiously been worried that any noise could have been the men from last night. I smiled into my cup of coffee as he came into the living room, slumping down on the sofa beside me.
‘Where were you last night? I didn’t hear you come in this morning either. You weren’t at John’s house were you?’ He asked, I shook my head realising how little time we had spent together lately we needed to catch up. There were so many things I needed to tell him.
‘We broke up, I didn’t want anything serious.’ I answered, Logan looked at me with an exasperated expression.
‘You always say that, you’re just afraid to get close to anyone.’
It was true but I didn’t want Logan to know this, ‘Apart from you Logan, we’re close friends right?’
‘Yes, but I’m straight.’
I wanted to change the subject as my mind instantly went to Tony Rodgers. I had been thinking of him all day. ‘How is Sarah? She hasn’t been over for a while.’
His face lit up as he thought about his girlfriend, ‘She is great, can’t stop talking about you though. What is it with you and woman? They just adore you.’
I grinned at him, as he went into the kitchen to make his own mug of coffee.
‘It’s a gift.’ 
We later fought over the remote control Logan won as always. Ending up watching some football match, I fell asleep easily wandering how I could have ever thought of giving this life up, becoming someone else who didn’t know his best friend was Logan Read.  

Feeling more human when I woke up early the next day, I decided to get both Logan and I Starbucks Coffee, which had always been our morning-routine, if one of us could be bothered to get up half an hour early. As I locked the door behind me and made my way towards the tiny coffee shop that was always packed, I wondered what Tony Rodgers was doing now? I couldn’t get him out of my head even though I tried. I wasn’t like that; I didn’t believe gay men could make straight men fancy them. I believed you where either born gay or not, and Tony Rodgers screamed straight. I couldn’t understand why I had this desire to call him and just ask how his day had been. I scowled as I realised how pathetic I sounded. Waiting in the queue with only my thoughts to keep me company, I wondered what I would do if the men found me? However the tight knot that formed in the pit of my stomach told me how dangerous thinking about Kennedy was. So I steered my thoughts to safer ground to my next newspaper article. As I walked away from the counter, ideally debating what an appropriate heading would be, I collided with someone, and spilt vanilla latte all over him.
‘Oh God I’m so…’ I broke off as I looked up into the eyes of Tony Rodgers. ‘What are you doing here?’ I asked startled.
‘I could ask you the same thing?’
‘I live two streets away.’
‘I know that,’ he scowled, ‘but why are you out of your house on your own? You should be…’
‘No,’ I interrupted, ‘I told you that I wasn’t going to be afraid. Now I have to go I’ve got work.’ As I went to stroll past him, he put a hand on my shoulder and I trembled at his touch.
‘Are you cold?’ his voice was close to my ear. I shook my head but I couldn’t pull out of his grasp, his eyes held me captivated.
‘Let me take you to breakfast.’ I tried to tell him no, that I was going back to see Logan, but I couldn’t make myself do it.
‘Okay,’ I said quietly.
Both hands where placed on my shoulders as he steered me out of the crowded coffee shop. I felt safe with Tony, and the warmth of his hands and the closeness of his body made me long for more.

Tony bought me pancakes at his favourite breakfast diner. We talked and I realised how at ease we were with one another. He told me about how he had hitchhiked around Europe when he was my age. I asked how old he was, he said twenty-eight, he was the youngest Detective in England. I asked how, he told me that his father had been high up in Scotland Yard police force for over twenty years, and he had taught him the tricks of the trade since he was small. Tony asked me questions, but I was fascinated with his life and wanted to know more. I asked about his family and learnt he was one of four brothers the second youngest. But as I always did when I felt as though I was getting too close to someone, I ran, paying for my share of the meal though he protested, hoping I never saw Tony Rodgers again, as I may find myself in too deep.

That evening Logan, Jenny, Katie, Sarah and I were at the nightclub down the road. I had drunk a lot and found everything hilarious, as I danced with Jenny, everyone watched. I was a good dancer and made my partner feel comfortable as they could move easily with me. Jenny was laughing, as I let my body move with the beat of the music, a huge smile was spread across my face, I felt alive. I wasn’t sacred anymore; the people I loved surrounded me. Logan beamed, and I was one of the few people who he let see his real smile, the smile that reached his eyes and made him look stunning, beautiful even. I was so lost in the beat that I didn’t realise Jenny had been replaced with a guy. He was tall and classically good-looking with big blue eyes and blond hair. A week ago I would have never said no, but as he moved forwards I stopped dancing, moving back. He tried again, but all I could see was how different he was to Tony. I realised that I didn’t want to run away from that man, I wanted to bury myself into his life and see how far he could take me.
As the man in the nightclub put he hands on my shoulder I nearly growled, instead I told him to ‘get off.’ He took a hasty step back and suddenly I didn’t feel like dancing anymore, I wanted to go home and watch a sad movie. With that in mind I told Logan where I was going. He looked upset but Sarah was there to distract him and I was thankful. I wasn’t ready to tell Logan about Tony just yet, so I slipped out of the nightclub pulling on my jacket, as there was a light drizzle covering the street.

As I made my way back to our flat I heard the sound of screeching tires, and my blood ran cold. I knew it was them, Kennedy’s men, they had found me, and as the doors of the van slid open I ran. Adrenalin is a powerful thing, it can make the average man feel and act powerful, so as I veered down the street weaving through allies and up over fences, I thought I couldn’t be stopped. I grabbed for my phone in my jacket pocket and rang the first number that came to my head.
‘Hello,’ the now familiar voice said through the phone.
‘Tony, they found me.’ I panted, as I hid behind a black bin in the darkness of an alley.
‘Scott? Is that you?’
‘Yes, they have guns and I have no idea how long I can stay hidden for.’
‘I’ll be there in five minuets.’
I went to hang up when he said, ‘Please don’t do anything stupid, and be alive when I come to get you.’
I could hear the genuine concern through the phone and my heart fluttered in my chest.
‘I’ll try Detective.’
‘Call me Tony. Don’t fail me Scott.’
Moving instinctively, dropping the phone in my panic, I ran feeling rather than hearing the sound of the gun. It sounded like a baseball bat being hit against a pillow, hard. I stopped suddenly as I came to a busy road; I heard the yells of the men behind and turned to look forward at the oncoming traffic. I viewed both situations and would have laughed if my heart was not hamming hard in my chest feeling as though it was going to come out of my mouth. The men came nearer, I felt the bullets getting closer to hitting their target. I looked back at the road and ran weaving in and out of cars. The sound of tires skidding trying to stop on wet tarmac filled my ears. I grinned, triumphant, as I reached the embankment on the other side when a car slid next to me, and the door opened violently.
‘Get in now,’ I didn’t argue with Tony, as I saw the gunmen trying to cross the road. I slammed the door and Tony sped away, leaving the outcome of the men up to fate. I realised then that my hands were shaking again and I held them together.
‘Are you hurt?’ Tony asked anxiously. I shook my head and suddenly a wave of fatigue hit and I fought hard, as tears welled into my eyes.
‘I should have been more careful, you told me to be afraid but I didn’t listen. I don’t want to go into witness protection, but I don’t want to die either.’ I knew I was babbling, and so was surprised when Tony’s hand was placed on my knee as he tried to sooth me.
‘I understand why you wouldn’t go; it’s hard to leave the people who are most important to you. I admire you Scott, you fight for the people you love.’ The sound of his voice calmed my hamming heart and I lay my head back on the headrest, my eyelids feeling heavy.

I woke suddenly as the car jolted to a stop. ‘I’m so sorry I fell asleep.’
Tony chuckled next to me, his eyes soft. ‘Its okay, I do that all the time. Are you feeling better?’
‘Yes, but where are we?’ I asked looking out of the window at a manor house.
‘Your right, witness protection cannot help you, but I can. You can stay with me until everything is sorted.’ I stared at him not sure whether to be horrified or delighted. I went for horrified, as it was easier to explain.
‘But my work, my friends?’ He just smiled at me.
‘Come on, I’ll get pancakes for you again.’ And with that he swung out of the car, leaving me staring at his back.